365 Days – My Love Story

365 Days.

The amount of days in a year.

The amount of opportunities for a fresh start on a new day.

The amount of nights to get lost in thought, both good and bad.

The amount of time that has passed since a break up I didn’t see coming.

In the last 365 days, I have learned some of the most valuable lessons that this world can offer. I have learned what I’m made of, what I’m willing to fight for, and what I’m willing to let go if it means I’ll be stronger because of it. Most importantly, I’ve learned what I deserve.

365 Days.

The amount of time it’s been since I started a new love story.

365 Days.

The amount of time that has passed since I stopped chasing what wasn’t mine.

My heartbreak was a result of disbelief surrounding my own intuition. I think that when we feel deep heartbreak, hindsight often reveals two things:

1. We’re devastated that who we believed someone to be was indeed not that person.
2. We are devastated that we could be so wrong about something that felt so right.

Mine was more of the latter. I mourned the end of a relationship that felt right, but wasn’t.

And for that…I am so eternally grateful.

A year ago today, I was feeling ALL of the emotions. I was hurt, shocked, confused, deeply devastated, and truly in disbelief that my reality wasn’t matching up to my perception of a situation. I wish I could go back and say so many things to that girl; I wish I could assure her that there was purpose in her pain and so much joy in the next 365 days.

If I could send her a letter, it would look something like this:

Dear Girl,

You’re going to be so okay. You can’t see it yet, but that boy wasn’t it.
You’re going to spend a lot of time over the next few months going over every word he said and every belief you had; you’re going to seek solace in the wrong places more times than not, but then you’re going to learn how to lean so deeply on God and what he’s doing in your heart that you won’t have time to seek doors that lead to dead ends.

This year you’re going to learn what strength feels like when someone else isn’t assisting you.
You’re going to learn what it means to say, “no”.
You’re going to release people that don’t support or empower you.
You’re going to embrace your Aries passion and stop silencing your opinions for others.
You’re going to get baptized by a best friend, and God is going to reveal what lays ahead in the valley in ways you can’t even imagine.
You’re going to surprise yourself time and time again.
You’re going to take a risk and be reminded of your gifts in ways that surpass all expectations.
You’re going to cry. A LOT. But girl, that ish is cathartic.

This year you’re going to have your Liz Gilbert moment. Like really, it’s here. And it’s as scary as you imagined it would be. Sit with it. Learn from it. Show gratitude for it.
You’re going to make some big waves and it’s going to piss people off – that will confuse you at first, but you’ll learn that boundaries and growth aren’t always received warmly.
You’re going to lose some people – watch them leave with a sense of gratitude for why they arrived in the first place. Wish them well and mean it.
You’re going to doubt yourself more than you ever have, but all of that doubt is there to remind you that growth isn’t meant to be comfortable or predictable.
You’re going to put yourself out there – both professionally and personally.
You’re going to learn that the fears you have are valid, but nothing more than a distorted perception of who you think you are.

This year you’re going to find community over and over and OVER.
Your childhood best friend will drive four hours to see you through your sadness.
Your brother will lay next to you on the floor while you contemplate what you’re feeling.
You will find yourself meeting and doing life with a group of girls that will fix your crown time and time again.
You will find love in the people and places you serve at your church.
You will find friendship on instagram – welcome to the 21st century, say whaaat
You will be comforted by those you did and didn’t expect to show up.
You are so loved, dear girl, and I can’t wait for you to see how blessed you are.

This year you’ll learn one of life’s biggest lessons:

The best love story you’ll find isn’t tangible or visible – it’s not a love story that you’ll find in this world. It’s a love story you’ll find in yourself and above.
You’ll learn that love misplaced isn’t love lost – it’s simply a growth opportunity.
You’ll learn that settling for what you believe will happen in the future can rob you of what is happening right now.
You’ll learn that the journey to self -love isn’t easy, but it’s essential.
You’ll learn that you like who you are and who you are becoming, and you’re grateful for every wrong turn or misstep that led you to this moment.

Your love story is not a story of heartbreak.
Your love story is a story of redemption.

You don’t know it yet, but this year is going to wreck you so it can rebuild you.

Breathe out twice as long as you breathe in.
Trust your instincts. They rarely lead you astray.
Let this year be one of gratitude and immeasurable growth.

365 Days.

The amount of days in a year.

The amount of sunrises and sunsets.

The amount of times the clock started over.

365 Days.

A year of love.

A year of gratitude.

A year of growth.

A year I wouldn’t trade for the world.