What Does Fear Stop?

I’ve recently spent a lot of time thinking about what happens when you stop letting fear dictate your life. Before I go on, I want to be really clear…I haven’t stopped letting fear get in the way of my life, but I’m very aware and determined to not let it stop the steps I take in life.

I let fear step into my life and try to take up space that it doesn’t pay rent for.

What Fear tells me about Friendships:

• I have to please everyone
• I have to be the most positive pixie encourager
• I need to consistently remind people how much I love them in order for our friendship to remain solid

What Faith tells me about Friendships: 

• Friends that know my heart know that I’m not just a casual person in anything I do. I’m fiercely loving and loyal, regardless of my inability to answer texts.
• God puts people in our lives for a season or a reason, and sometimes we have to recognize when it’s not the one we think it is.
• My friends are aware I’m ADD and probably get really busy and don’t intentionally forget their birthdays (SORRY V, I love you)
• Friends forgive. Friends help you grow. Friends are pieces of your heart and that means that they accept your heart as it is.

What Fear tells me about Who I Am as a person:

• I’ve made lots of mistakes that aren’t pretty and I should probably say all upfront and give people a pass to run away before I get attached.
• I’m a really anxious person.
• I’ve been unaccepting about my body and my mind, therefore both of those things are in a constant state of needing fixing.

What Faith tells me about Who I Am as a person:

• My mistakes have made me more resilient and accepting in situations where others might be ashamed.
• I have anxiety… I am NOT my anxiety. It’s a piece of me that I reminds me to lean on my faith daily, not just when I’m feeling good.
• My body was made to carry me through life. It was made in His image, not Seventeen Magazine’s.
• My feelings are not facts and I can’t let those feelings become the way I walk through life.

 

*pictures courtesy of Kristen Lohr’s We Are Soulsparks  page.

What Fear tells me about Who I Am in my job: 

• I have to look and sound like someone else in order to be what’s best for the kids I teach and the communities I serve.
• Maybe I’m not cut out for this line of work because I’m not constantly overflowing with creativity.
• I got lucky and didn’t really earn my way to where I am.

What Faith tells me about Who I Am in my job: 

• Nothing is by coincidence. I’m here and I should grow where I’ve been planted.
• I shouldn’t disregard the qualities I was born with because I was born with a purpose and to negate that means I’m rejecting the belief that God’s an artist and I was made this way for a reason.
• Who I am will serve certain people that can identify with all of the “mess” I’ve encountered in my life.
• I’ve worked really hard, prayed really hard, and taken a lot of risks to get where I am, regardless of how I think others perceive me.

What Fear tells me about Relationships: 

• I’ve made some questionable choices when choosing someone to date and I shouldn’t expect better.
• 50% of marriages end in divorce. LOL. That percentage apparently goes up if you’re a child of divorce. *cue the awkward silence of realization*
• You have to be seeking out what you want because people are less and less likely to seek connection now with all of the social media outlets and dating apps.

What Faith tells me about Relationships: 

• If something is planted on your heart, there’s a reason. Trust it.
• I should pray for big things and the person I really dream of because ultimately, He’s going to bring the right person into my life that is beyond my wildest dreams.
• I’ve learned a LOT from past relationships, my parent’s divorce, and intentionally being single so that I can reflect on what I look for. My past does not dictate my future.
• I don’t have to force something. If it’s supposed to happen, it will. If it’s not, it won’t. And I have to trust that whichever of the two it is, it’s what’s supposed to happen.

And among all of these, the greatest spot I’ve let fear try to take over is in my pursuit of my faith.

I want to be very clear about this: I don’t think that my faith is how everyone should feel and all of these things I’m talking about are simply based on my own personal experience, NOT what I think matches everyone. 

So on that note, I feel like I should share some insight into my faith story so I don’t freak anyone out that’s thinking huh what is she talking about??? 

I grew up in a Christian household and went to church every Sunday because that’s what you do. Up until 8th grade, I felt pretty clear about what I believed. I went to High School and quickly found instances where everything I believed about God started being contradicted by the way I saw others using their faith to condemn people I cared for and people I didn’t even know. I was disappointed and felt confused and honestly… believing in a higher power became really uncool to certain groups I was enthralled with.

Flash forward to the moment a mom added everyone in my grade on Facebook so she could force her opinions on them and tried to disguise it as sharing her faith. I should clarify that I honestly believe that she thinks she’s doing that, even now. And I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I think she’s a part of a bigger theme that dissolves connection and creates fear. I think that if you only choose the verses that condemn things you don’t understand and use your faith to shame someone, you’ve completely missed the opportunity to SHOW what God’s love looks like. And I think that’s where I tuned out.

I stopped seeking anything bigger than myself and the world around me until I met a family that walked in and showed me grace when I felt ashamed, showed me love when I felt unlovable, and gave me ground to stand upon when the world was falling down around me.

I met a woman (shoutout to the zumba queen) that openly used her own struggles to clearly state that christianity doesn’t look like fear…it looks like love.

It looks like inclusion.

It looks like grace.

It invites others in instead of shoving others out.

Tanya Kilgore showed me that you could fiercely love Jesus and fiercely love people and they didn’t have to live in separate bubbles. She showed me that everyone’s path to faith doesn’t look the same. She gave me strength by showing me my weaknesses were links to God’s grace.

Montana showed me that other people’s hearts existed in a way that mine does and taught me that friendship can feel like a divine gift instead of random coincidence.

So now that you’ve read an entire novel about what I believe, I have to say this: some of the most important people in my life are non-believers and they make me better because of it. They ask me hard questions and don’t make me feel bad for how I feel about the world just because I’ve struggled to be honest about what I believe. My favorite person in the universe (Nate…duh) doesn’t believe the way I believe and yet he is the biggest catalyst in my faith path because he’s the answer to so many prayers and confusions.

Fear has kept me from being open about what I believe in so  many instances and yet it’s been the defining factor in why I’ve chosen to stop skirting around the edge of uncomfortable conversations.

If you’ve stuck around until this point, I hope that you hear this loud and clear:

Fear has figured out a way to intervene in our lives every day in various ways, but it doesn’t get a choice in how many ways the world universe conspires in your favor. It only gets as much power as we give it. 

So I hope that today my word vomit has given you insight into how fear has operated in my life and given you relief for the way ways that it’s operated in yours.

You’re so damn worthy it’s not even funny. But if you want some funny stories to make you feel better, I also have those in my back pocket. #noteveryoneshouldtakeasoulcycleclass